The ability to draw photos of Phineas and Ferb whenever my daughter asks me to. this enables her to assume that I'm smart at one thing.
My dog, when, at 5 a.m., I'm cold and choose to let him below the covers.
every one who has ever cooked me a meal.
My husband, when he stands close to me at a social gathering as a result of he is aware of, while not asking, that I feel sort of a huge dork which I don't feel quite therefore dorky if he's next to me.
That my husband encourages me to jot down regarding something that creates me happy, notwithstanding it involves writing regarding his man bits.
All smart babysitters, however particularly the sort that are known as "grandparents."
The delete button, particularly if i take advantage of it to delete an email that i actually ought not send to somebody.
everybody who likes to scan this blog and who laughs at my jokes.
That, when years of never winning a issue, I appear to possess finally turned my luck around. in exactly one month this fall, I won 2 raffles—netting me many hundred bucks value of sex toys and $30 value of Tupperware.
My neighbors, this summer, after they gave me tomatoes from their garden, particularly as a result of I failed to tend our community garden additionally as I ought to have, therefore weeds overtook each single issue that I'd once planted—including the tomato plants.
the woman at FOX who taught me a way to use a hair dryer.
Tomatoes, asparagus, raspberries, blueberries and strawberries after they are in season.
That I actually have retired from the task of adjusting diapers.
That, whenever I tell my daughter I can't do one thing "because i'm an previous girl," she replies, "Mommy, you're not an previous lady! Grandma's an previous lady!"
Whenever my husband cleans the house.
Anyone who really is aware of me, and still manages to search out me endearing.
Danskos, particularly if I will afford to shop for them.
robust cups of low.
That kids are very easy to bribe.
Anyone who tells me that I don't look my age.
Any time nobody sits next to me on the bus or on a plane.
The invention of the iPhone app, particularly the Navigation app, as a result of currently i'm solely lost after I can't realize my phone.
The invention of heated automobile seats.
Whenever I actually have a protracted lay over at an airport and nobody is sitting within the massage chair at the Brookstone store.
All of the people that love me, support me, keep me sane, and check out to stay me from embarrassing myself in public. you recognize who you're.
And twenty five Things That I'm Not
Any toy needs|that needs} assembly which requires this assembly when my husband isn't home.
Sponge Bob's voice.
that each one of the garments designed for tiny ladies comes in pink, purple, sparkle, rainbow or unicorn—and that none of them accompany a Transformer, Star Wars character, or a superhero on them.
That the human vocal chords were ever designed to emit a whining sound.
What happens to kids after they don't get enough sleep.
Any moment I begin my automobile solely to visualize the gas light-weight illuminate, and particularly when this happens on days after I am already running late.
Slim work jeans, as a result of no girl ought to ever have absolute proof that her thighs are on the hefty aspect of things.
That I ever started eating Fritos corn chips once more.
That kids invariably appear to need to make one thing with Legos or place along jig saw puzzles before caffeine has been consumed.
the actual fact that none of my garments work at the instant, and that i don't have any one accountable this on however myself.
That I appear to blurt out inappropriate things at inopportune times, which I cannot blame this on Tourette's or the other syndrome.
the price of my allergy drugs, epi pen and everything else that i want to make sure that I don't die from accidental exposure to a large sort of foods.
That I'm currently sufficiently old to wish dental insurance, however I don't have it—and the govt doesn't appear to even be thinking of doing one thing regarding this.
Any doctor who leaves me alone within the examining space carrying nothing however a blue robe for what appears like days.
That my daughter swears I actually have a mustache which my heart is 2 sizes too little.
the instant I walk into a public restroom and understand that it's not progressing to be a reasonably expertise.
That I, while not fail, appear to be destined to lose all expensive pairs of sunglasses inside 3 months of purchase, however never to lose a budget $5 combine with the faux rhinestones that everybody makes fun of.
Anytime my husband is true and he is aware of it.
What happens to a woman's breasts over time.
Whenever I check up on an eighteen year previous and assume, "Dang, what has become of me?"
That, on the day I announced that I'd finally paid off our mastercard, my husband informed me that he required new brakes and 4 new tires.
Any sales one who doesn't perceive the which means of the words, "no many thanks."
That indestructible plastic container that appears to encase each single children's toy.
Whenever one thing explodes within the microwave and even I actually have to admit that we tend to can't simply solve the matter by obtaining a brand new microwave.
My gas company, that asked me to be home between noon and five at some point so that they may examine my gas line. They known as at seven p.m. and told me that they were progressing to got to reschedule. I never did reschedule, largely out of spite, despite the fact that it'll solely hurt me if my house explodes.
My dog, when, at 5 a.m., I'm cold and choose to let him below the covers.
every one who has ever cooked me a meal.
My husband, when he stands close to me at a social gathering as a result of he is aware of, while not asking, that I feel sort of a huge dork which I don't feel quite therefore dorky if he's next to me.
That my husband encourages me to jot down regarding something that creates me happy, notwithstanding it involves writing regarding his man bits.
All smart babysitters, however particularly the sort that are known as "grandparents."
The delete button, particularly if i take advantage of it to delete an email that i actually ought not send to somebody.
everybody who likes to scan this blog and who laughs at my jokes.
That, when years of never winning a issue, I appear to possess finally turned my luck around. in exactly one month this fall, I won 2 raffles—netting me many hundred bucks value of sex toys and $30 value of Tupperware.
My neighbors, this summer, after they gave me tomatoes from their garden, particularly as a result of I failed to tend our community garden additionally as I ought to have, therefore weeds overtook each single issue that I'd once planted—including the tomato plants.
the woman at FOX who taught me a way to use a hair dryer.
Tomatoes, asparagus, raspberries, blueberries and strawberries after they are in season.
That I actually have retired from the task of adjusting diapers.
That, whenever I tell my daughter I can't do one thing "because i'm an previous girl," she replies, "Mommy, you're not an previous lady! Grandma's an previous lady!"
Whenever my husband cleans the house.
Anyone who really is aware of me, and still manages to search out me endearing.
Danskos, particularly if I will afford to shop for them.
robust cups of low.
That kids are very easy to bribe.
Anyone who tells me that I don't look my age.
Any time nobody sits next to me on the bus or on a plane.
The invention of the iPhone app, particularly the Navigation app, as a result of currently i'm solely lost after I can't realize my phone.
The invention of heated automobile seats.
Whenever I actually have a protracted lay over at an airport and nobody is sitting within the massage chair at the Brookstone store.
All of the people that love me, support me, keep me sane, and check out to stay me from embarrassing myself in public. you recognize who you're.
And twenty five Things That I'm Not
Any toy needs|that needs} assembly which requires this assembly when my husband isn't home.
Sponge Bob's voice.
that each one of the garments designed for tiny ladies comes in pink, purple, sparkle, rainbow or unicorn—and that none of them accompany a Transformer, Star Wars character, or a superhero on them.
That the human vocal chords were ever designed to emit a whining sound.
What happens to kids after they don't get enough sleep.
Any moment I begin my automobile solely to visualize the gas light-weight illuminate, and particularly when this happens on days after I am already running late.
Slim work jeans, as a result of no girl ought to ever have absolute proof that her thighs are on the hefty aspect of things.
That I ever started eating Fritos corn chips once more.
That kids invariably appear to need to make one thing with Legos or place along jig saw puzzles before caffeine has been consumed.
the actual fact that none of my garments work at the instant, and that i don't have any one accountable this on however myself.
That I appear to blurt out inappropriate things at inopportune times, which I cannot blame this on Tourette's or the other syndrome.
the price of my allergy drugs, epi pen and everything else that i want to make sure that I don't die from accidental exposure to a large sort of foods.
That I'm currently sufficiently old to wish dental insurance, however I don't have it—and the govt doesn't appear to even be thinking of doing one thing regarding this.
Any doctor who leaves me alone within the examining space carrying nothing however a blue robe for what appears like days.
That my daughter swears I actually have a mustache which my heart is 2 sizes too little.
the instant I walk into a public restroom and understand that it's not progressing to be a reasonably expertise.
That I, while not fail, appear to be destined to lose all expensive pairs of sunglasses inside 3 months of purchase, however never to lose a budget $5 combine with the faux rhinestones that everybody makes fun of.
Anytime my husband is true and he is aware of it.
What happens to a woman's breasts over time.
Whenever I check up on an eighteen year previous and assume, "Dang, what has become of me?"
That, on the day I announced that I'd finally paid off our mastercard, my husband informed me that he required new brakes and 4 new tires.
Any sales one who doesn't perceive the which means of the words, "no many thanks."
That indestructible plastic container that appears to encase each single children's toy.
Whenever one thing explodes within the microwave and even I actually have to admit that we tend to can't simply solve the matter by obtaining a brand new microwave.
My gas company, that asked me to be home between noon and five at some point so that they may examine my gas line. They known as at seven p.m. and told me that they were progressing to got to reschedule. I never did reschedule, largely out of spite, despite the fact that it'll solely hurt me if my house explodes.
